Reciprocate…

Recently I had a row with him about the fact that I never reciprocate his feelings for me. His complaint was that I do not even approve the love he bestows about me. I have always thought myself to be a very considerate, empathetic and sympathetic person. When I sit back and ponder, I wonder it was all just a mirage.

Before I realized this, I always felt angry towards my kith and kin that no one understood me and that no one had time to empathize for others. It’s the same with everyone. In our busy and selfish world, we all feel that others do not value our opinion and nothing happens when we do not respond. All wrong!!!

I have come to accept that all of need approval and recognition. At least, I do. I do not like to write much in this blog since I do not get any comments except from Jesh. You may say it is because the posts are not very interesting. Then comment is so. Tell me it is not very interesting and hint me on how to improvise it.

I get upset when people do not reply to my mails. I’m a person who emails only very few and only if they are close to my heart. And when I do not get a reply… I feel inferior. I feel that the person who I feel is important to me does not feel the same about me. I keep opening my email inbox umpteen times with the hopes that I would have got a reply.

Yesterday was my brother’s birthday. I sent him an e-card wishing him. I also spoke to him over phone and wished him. There is no need for him to reply to that e-card. But since morning I’ve checked my inbox around 20 times. This act of mine is even more ridiculous since he lives in the US and there is almost no chance for him to wake up in the middle of the night and send a thank you e-card to me. Ha ha ha !!

Or even trivial is my expectation that people should recognize when I wear a new dress, hardly visible ear studs, etc. My list of seeking others opinion is endless and so are my disappointments :D

If reciprocating for an email matters so much to me, I wonder much of approval is required in our daily lives. Yes! I have read that we should not be influenced by what others think of us or what others feel about us. But I am very much influenced by what people say or do not say of me. Be it a good comment, I would gladly hug them and say, “You made my day”. Be it a negative one, I would frown a little and say, “I would give you another chance to be impressed” and would try to improve myself.

Then again, there is a big problem to handle. If I try to impress one person, they would expect me to keep up the standard. This part is difficult… I need to think deep about this and learn to accept that it is not always necessary to impress others and others opinion is not always important.