Till Death Do Us Part....

When two people decide to part ways, it isn’t a sign that they “don’t understand” one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to --- HELEN ROWLAND

It is a really tough topic to ponder on, given to all the things I've come across... seeing few being relieved to be separated and few others in tears after taking the wedding oath to stay together forever. There has always been this confusion about when it is fair to seek a divorce. Be married for a very short period, say a couple of years.. then they say "you have lived with that person too short a period to judge each other and seek a separation. So you need to put in more years to know enough before deciding". Ok, fine... they were married for around 5-10years.. and the crowd crows "Didn't you know you were not compatible for so many years? There definitely should have been a bond that should have kept you guys together for so long. Rather than breaking apart, you should rebuild the bond". Now, there is this couple, married for 20 long years and now want a divorce. And there is this noise you can hear around saying, "come on... you know each other so well and have been part of the other's life for two decades. What will you achieve by parting now. You DO NOT have an identity as "you" any more. The society always will recognize you ONLY as Mr & Mrs Couple."

Hello... will someone not stop this nonsense of advicing when the couple could find some peace. It sure looks like a brave deed by the couple who have divorced but trust me, it is not that easy. The trauma one goes through is a psychological pain equivalent to triple coronary bypass surgery. Read this comparison on the net. How true!

While in India, and from a "typical" middle class family run more by the "4 people (aka society)" rather than the family members, being married or separated is merely a influenced relationship. Wait.. I do accept that love does exist in many surviving marriages, but scenes are different in other households. First, the girl is forced to marry a guy because he is educated and is employed. What about her likes/ dislikes for the guy? Her cries reach but only to deaf ears. Then there is this emotional blackmail of their family "prestige" being ruined. So, the girl being an emotional freak herself, brings herself to the level of a slaughter animal and gets married any ways.

Now the real problem starts. The girls instincts did not fail her. The couple knew from the very first month of their married life that they were not meant for each other at all. To make matters worse, the in-laws did all they could to blame the girl for all the misunderstandings by intruding into what the girl cooks, eats, wears, spends, who she talks to, about her jewelery, when she can visit her parents, etc. But took NO step to ask or think what was wrong with their son to make the girl not like him (the word HATE here would sound too harsh). Sounds simple.. ha? Wish the readers would get into her shoes bare foot, walk a while to know the bites.

Here is another incident that happened to a not-so-close second cousin of mine. They were married for 7 long years. May be it is the height of the seven-year-itch, as they say. The man wanted a divorce. Reason: the lady could not bear him a child and is a talkative. The lady wanted to stay put in the relationship. In spite of : he being a drunkard, incompatible, lets his sister boss her around, lets his parents to abuse her emotionally and her parents financially. I really do pity this girl. I have also seen couples who support each other emotionally in spite of not being able to have children.

I can keep on giving episodes of all the painful separations that happen. Opposites do attract... in magnets. However in a relationship, there ought to be more compatibility to stay attracted and remain together forever. I do not think there are any couple in this era can claim that they could keep on admiring all the differences they have and live contented for ever. Another possibility is to learn to appreciate the differences, search for things compatible, work on it and make life more peaceful.

Please note...Neither do I quote that MEN are the root cause for the break in a relationship nor do I say that people should get divorced immediately without trying to make the relationship work. I wish these birds do not become vulnerable after the painful episode in their lives. It would be best for them to grow new, strong wings, face the wind and reach new heights, lands and achieve more. My second wish and prayer is that the Indian society does not treat them any lesser than the so-called-happily-married women.

There is no real evil in life, except great pain; all the rest is imaginary, and depends on the light in which we view things.

For the first time in my very short blogging experience, today I write about some unpleasant thoughts that keep haunting my life recently…

Many know me as an extrovert, fun to have me around, bubbly, mature, etc. May be I am all that to the outer world. Only those very close to me realize that am a wet blanket at many occasions, a pain in the neck, and an indecisive, callow person.

Who actually am I? Why do I appear as two different person to myself and to those around me? I do not know. But the only truth I can stick to is… I do not fake about what I am to others, and NEVER to the ones close to my heart. Is that why they find me to be such a weirdo? If am a weirdo, why do I still find them close to me? What am I?

Too many questions… too many answers with lots of ifs and buts. Where would I find a teacher who would look into my answers to the questions I throw at myself and evaluate what is right and what went wrong. God… it’s a very complicated thought that keeps running in my mind and takes me into a labyrinth of unwanted ideas. But who decides which idea is necessary and which is not.

I know am rebellious in many ways compared to the kith I grew up with. Though the elders around knew what I was asking or doing was most often logical and practical… I was forced to succumb to the “society” culture that’s prevails. I’ve tried to be part of the so called ‘live & let live’ life and have often let others live their life rather than look back and decide to LIVE my life. I know that’s a huge sacrifice that I did. The worst pain a human can suffer is to have insight into much and power over nothing. That’s my story.

Love… what a complicated four lettered feeling. I’ve read --> “Love means exposing yourself to the pain of being hurt, deeply hurt by someone you trust.” Does it mean that to trust and love your family is to feel pain all your life? If I had known and was taught that love brings pain, I would have remained an atheist to love.

I would quote Vivekananda here - ‘This misery that I am suffering is of my own doing, and that very thing proves that it will have to be undone by me alone. That which I created, I can demolish; that which is created by someone else, I shall never be able to destroy. Therefore, stand up, be bold, be strong. Take the whole responsibility on your own shoulders, and know that you are the creators of your own destiny. All the strength and succor you want is within ourselves.’

They are too good to read and fathom the words. Wish I could get the strength to take the responsibility for my own miseries.

Sometimes waiting for a solution is the best solution. Other times, forgetting unpleasant moments are the solutions. “Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”

Sorry this one is a little depressing… I just found a small vent to my thoughts through this… I believe this outlet will take me through this day in a better way.

To all readers...Have a Great Life ahead :)